When Your Transgender Partner Becomes Attracted to the Opposite Sex

Healing after your partner tells you they are not attracted to you anymore. - Trans Partners

So your partner has come out to you as transgender. You make the very difficult decision to stay and be supportive. You go through the denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. You seek out support for yourself and find a therapist. The relationship feels like a roller coaster, but you are determined to hang on and keep loving this person that you made a commitment to. You come out to your friends and family and defend your relationship. The months turn into years and you finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Then they come to you and say, "I need to leave this relationship, I am attracted to the opposite sex."


Saying goodbye and ending a romantic relationship is never easy. There are thousands of breakup songs for a reason. It is a painful experience. Yet, we will all experience this type heartbreak at least once in our lifetime. Whether you are the one who initiated the breakup or you are the one being broken up with, the wound left behind still needs to be healed. My first marriage ended because of my ex's abuse of alcohol. I could not live that way anymore, and I knew I wanted my children to grow up in a healthy and loving home. Yet, I still felt the loss of that relationship. I have counseled friends through divorce and given my own children relationship advice, when asked, but when it's happening to you it can feel like the end of the world.

The experts say that as you spend time together as a couple, the things that make you each unique begin to blur into one. So in essence, you don't know where you end and they begin. I can certainly attest to that. My children laugh when my wife and I order the same thing at a restaurant or buy each other a similar gift at Christmas. This phenomenon happens because our sense of self becomes intertwined with our partner's sense of self. So when our partner says that they are leaving us, we feel completely lost. That is a totally normal feeling, and I promise it will get better.


As partners of transgender folks, a breakup seems to sting a bit more. I think it's because we feel as though we have sacrificed so much, worked so hard, fought, got creative, and loved unconditionally, that this should never happen. However, what we are forgetting is that our partners are on a road to self discovery. When they make the decision to live an authentic life it does not come with a direction booklet and a map. It is a reboot to the life they were meant to live, and the journey can take them anywhere. Sometimes it takes them to a place where we do not exist. This is not the fault of either partner. Just as some cisgender partners leave because they are not attracted to the opposite sex a transgender partner can do the same.

So what do we do next? We move forward and heal. I say it all the time to the partners in my group, self care through your partner's transition should be your number one priority. If you are not taking care of yourself, you can't take care of anybody else. Rediscover yourself as an individual. Try new things, meet new people, and have new experiences. Start a new hobby and keep yourself busy. Journal, write down how you are feeling then put it away. If you are not currently in therapy, now is a great time to start. Having a supportive person to talk to is amazing. Exercise in any form releases the happy endorphins in your brain. You are strong and resilient. Remind yourself of that every day.

No. 1-10

You’ve made me a happy woman. You two have what it takes 💃


I am that girl. The guilt still tears me apart.
Yet it was more than that. As I discovered who I was, I realised we were not compatible any longer anyway.
But the guilt, over the pain I have caused her, after her years of support, and her own battles to accept and love anyway, will haunt me for the rest of my life.

U.A.  Nigro
U.A. Nigro


No, thankfully not. I have a friend going through this right now. It is sad.


oops! wasn't supposed to hit enter, sorry! When I transitioned, friends asked me if i was attracted to men, because obviously i was attracted to women, I have ben married for decades. Mt response shocked them. told them, No I'm not attracted to men, never had sexual fantasies about them, wasn't attracted to women either. I only dated 2 girls, and one of them I married. Now fast forward 1o years since transition! I'm one of the Lucky ones, No one sees me as anything but female. 99% of my prior friends disappeared. My new friends mostly female, see me & My honey as Lesbian, some see me as Bi. Only a few close girlfriends, know my previous life. They are all cisgender. we talk about stuff, How I look at men, and how they look at me. WOWZA! It appears to me now, I was no doubt missing the part of my brain, for sexual attraction, now it exploded....but towards men. My Gf's tell me its perfectly normal!! Its crazy and so different. I now have Sexual fantasies about men, where before there was none. I NEVER expected this! Am I willing to do the wild thing, with a man? Therein is the dilemma. I'm not willing to give up a lifetime with the most incredible woman, God Ever created, just to experience a man inside me. Sex Toys, seem to relieve my itch! So for anyone new yo transition...just like young girl, puberty and life changes you...so will transition!