I Am Married to a Transgender Woman and I Am Freaked Out

U.A. Nigro

I live every day in the transgender universe, and because that is my reality, and I love my wife with all my heart. I will always stand beside her. It was the heartbreaking suicide of a 17 year old girl named Leelah that lead my wife into the life of an activist. Watching the discrimination my wife received with my own eyes on a daily basis, lead me to follow. Each week I sit down and share my life with the universe. For community, support, for the rights of our partners and families, and so that none of us feel left out in the cold and alone. When our journey began there was very little on the Internet in the way of support for partners and families, and I felt like there was no one I could talk to that would understand. My hope is that the next spouse who hears, honey I think I am transgender, will search the Internet and find us here in the transgender universe.


So why then am I so freaked out? I am certainly here to tell you. Since our 45th president has been sworn into office, the hate mail that we receive has quadrupled. It comes from lovely folks who disguise themselves as religious organizations, some of which who have 501c3 non-profit status, and are lead by priests and pastors. One of their mission statements: We believe that God has communicated absolute truth to mankind, and that all people are subject to the authority of God’s word at all times and their job is to rid the world of people like my wife and I. They have flooded our email boxes the past few days, not with message from the Jesus I know, but with pure evil. Some messages vulgar in nature and Images so disturbing, they had my wife crippled at her desk. And now, they have a leader in the White House who understands their plight. So they are out in record numbers. People who say that they believe in God are sending my wife death threats. It is bewildering.

I spent last night trying to console my wife. Listening to her tell me that we are fighting a loosing battle and that she will never be accepted for who she is. Stuck in an abusive job with no real opportunities to look forward to. Telling me how the girls and I would be better off without her. Watching as she slips deeper into depression. Holding onto her as tight as I can, while whipping the tears from her face. Some days it is difficult to find just the right words and the inspiration to keep her going forward. It takes a toll, but as tired as I am, I refuse to give up. My transgender wife is just as important as any other human being walking on this planet and she deserves the same rights afforded to everyone else. If we ban together we will make one another stronger and our voices will be louder.


Political debates on social media have become heated to say the least. I usually try to hold my tongue, but found it impossible to do so this past weekend. Women bashing other women for marching totally turned my stomach inside out. If you felt that you didn’t want to march, that is your right, just as it is the right of others to march. However, to bash the women who did, to me, is just insane. I found myself completely disgusted. Then to witness people that are close to me jump on the bandwagon just made it worse. Every vote for a politician who doesn’t believe in the same rights for all Americans, is a vote against me. It’s a vote against everything I believe in. That shows me that you don’t think of me as important or valuable enough.

Unfortunately because of my job I was unable to attend any of the women’s marches (I wish I could have taken off, but loosing a days pay is hard to bounce back from). When I returned home from work, I watched the speakers at the march on Washington, D.C. I delighted in the enthusiasm seen in the crowd as well as in the people who spoke. All walks of life with different reasons to march, coming together in unity. It was beautiful to behold. Those women marched for civil rights, immigrants rights, LGBTQ rights, the right to choose, and many others. From this woman who couldn’t be there, thank you! I will leave you with this perfectly said by Theodore Roosevelt, “Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president.”


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