How Not To Come Out

Photo by Andrew NeelUnsplash

Bailey C. discusses his experience with coming out as transgender to his family.

Yesterday, October 11th, was National Coming Out Day. It got me thinking about how I had come out to my family as transgender. To sum it up, it was far from how I wanted to come out!

When I was in high school, I began to experiment with “crossdressing” for drag nights at my LGBT youth group. I’d wear boy’s clothing, tuck my long hair into a hat, try to lower my voice, and wear fake glasses, because I was under the delusion that they made me look more masculine. I’d ask people to call me Carson when I dressed like this.

I felt so much freer and more euphoric in this identity. So much so that I began to “crossdress” outside of the youth group. I’d feel so happy when someone used masculine pronouns in a store or on the street. I couldn’t believe how uplifted it made me feel!

"A FEW MONTHS LATER, I CHOSE THE NAME BAILEY, AND STARTED TO REALIZE I WAS A TRANS GUY."

In December of 2013, I came out to my family as androgynous, later identifying as bigender. A few months later, I chose the name Bailey, and started to realize I was a trans guy.

Now, my mother never liked the idea of me “crossdressing” or acting like a guy. She actually once asked me if I was “going transgender” on her. It felt like a slap in the face, even though I didn’t know at that time I truly was trans.

She didn’t seem too happy about my identifying as bigender either. She’d be happy when I wore women’s clothing, and looked highly offended when I told her I wanted to change my name.

Then, in early May 2014, I was supposed to go to a friend’s party. Mom wouldn’t be there, but she was trying to force me to wear a dress. I wanted to take the opportunity to wear the second-hand suit I’d gotten. After about twenty minutes of back and fourth, I said, “Why do I have to wear a dress?” She responded, “Because you’re a girl.”

"IT WAS AT THAT MOMENT I KNEW I COULDN’T HOLD IT BACK ANY LONGER."

It was at that moment I knew I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I shouted, “Except I’m not a girl! I’m trans!” and I stormed out of my own room, only to soon realize there was no room to storm to. As I passed by my dad, he asked what happened. I sneered, “Congratulations! You have a son!”

Though time has passed, and my parents completely accept who I am now, I’m quite upset about how that night went. That was not the way I wanted to come out! Coming out should be a celebrated, yet delicately handled occasion. It should never be in a screaming match or the middle of an argument, it only makes things harder for everyone involved.

Come out when you feel you’re ready, but don’t do it in the heat of anger!

In deciding to go back to YouTube, I created a vlog on how I came out. You can watch the video below:

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