After the world knows that your partner has come out as transgender, they seem to think that it is ok to ask you anything and everything related to your personal life. The most inappropriate questions about your relationship are up for discussion. It has been three years since my wife and I have gone public about her transition, and still I field the craziest inquiries. I have pondered this phenomenon many an evening, but I still do not understand why people think that this is acceptable. However, if you and your partner are at the beginning of this journey, let this be a warning to you. Be prepared for some line crossing questions to come your way.
When I have the time to quiet the world around me, I enjoy listening to the thoughts running around in my head. With the exception of those times when someone else's words haunt me. Recently, I was asked whether I truly wanted to stay in my marriage to my wife or was I just staying because I was afraid to be alone. After I had felt the rush of blood to my face, I answered this crazy inquiry right away by saying, there was no decision to make. I was in love with her when I made a vow to her for better or worse and I was in love with her the day that she told me that she was transgender. Later on that day when I was alone with my thoughts, I let those words rattle around for a little while.
"SO WHAT EXACTLY WAS THIS PERSON TRYING TO SAY? DID I APPEAR SCARED OR PATHETIC IN THEIR EYES?"
So what exactly was this person trying to say? Did I appear scared or pathetic in their eyes? Were they trying to say that I am too old or too fat to be desirable to anyone else? Perhaps this person thought that I wanted to leave but didn't have the nerve? Do other people stay in relationships that they don't want to be in because it is better to be in an unwanted relationship than be alone? Is being without a partner really something to be afraid of? Did the person asking the question think that I am settling by staying with my wife? I was baffled to say the least. Where does a question like this even come from?
At this point, all of these ridiculous notions had made me dizzy, but I have surmised that the average human on the street knows nothing about the transgender population. To ask me such an obscene question you must think less of transgender people. You have shoved me into a little box and labeled it, along with my wife who you feel should have a defective label on her forehead. It is maddening. We are all cut from the same cloth. Transgender folks are no different from cisgender folks. We all have the same basic needs and wants. If your Aunt fell ill would you inquire if your Uncle was going to stay? I would like to think not.
I sometimes wish that I had a crystal ball, so that I could look into the future and be ready for these moments of ignorance, but I do not. It all comes down to education. We need to talk to one another with respect and listen with an open mind. True love is a force of nature. Just like a thunderstorm, it cannot be controlled. I can only follow my heart to where it leads me. Why should anyone care if that person happens to be transgender? My relationship has zero effect on your life.
