When I first came out, it surprised most people, mainly my family. The most common things said to me were along the lines of, “But you always wore skirts!” and “You still like girlish things!” and I just shrugged them off, saying I was forced to like those things.
But as time went on, I began to notice my love of bright tutus, fishnet tights, and makeup never went away. When I found myself donning a corset and pumps for my Rocky Horror shows, I’d always get an emotional boost- about as high as when I first tried on a pair of men’s pants. Since starting to live as a guy, I always had a bit of flamboyance to my personality. Though I love dressing in suits, or whipping off my shirt to show my post-op chest, I equally love the rare occasions I get to do drag, or just doing makeup for the hell of it.
With NYC pride around the corner, Target began selling their pride merchandise once again. In the section of $1-$5 things by the registers, I noticed a rainbow tutu made of tulle. My first thought was, “I want this.” My second thought was, “I could easily make something like this!” My third thought was, “So do it.” It hit me then- I still love the “feminine” things I used to wear/enjoy. I’ve never been fully masculine, but never fully feminine either. Why should I fight either side of my personality?
"I BEGAN TO QUESTION MYSELF- AM I ACTUALLY NON-BINARY? OR WORSE, DID I MAKE A MISTAKE TRANSITIONING?"
I began to question myself- am I actually non-binary? Or worse, did I make a mistake transitioning? The answer to both those is a big, fat, NO! I can like makeup and high heels just as much as collared suits and tank tops that show off my biceps and chest hair! What I like doesn’t define how I identify, just like how I identify doesn’t define what I like. Whether my eyes are caked with eyeshadow and eyeliner, or if I’m wearing my basketball shorts, at the end of the day, I’m still a (fabulous) man!
So, a message to anyone out there- no matter how you identify, like what you like and wear what you want to wear. There’s no wrong way to be! I’ve always been quick to tell others this, but I’m finally allowing myself to live by that philosophy.
Happy pride month; I’ll be the one shirtless and in a blue, pink, and white tutu!
