Here we are, 2019. I don’t know about you, but 2018 was a roller coaster ride for me personally. I made new friends and lost some old ones, but I also learned more about myself and accepted the person who I am. I don’t want to say that I finally discovered who I am because I did that over 10+ years ago, but 2018 goes down as the year I stopped being afraid of who I am.
So now I move on to 2019. I began 2019 in the same place I began 2018, in Times Square New York City. No, I didn’t I have the pleasure of being there for the ball drop and all the craziness of New Year’s Eve. That is because I work the overnight shift shooting the news and I am just getting to work at 12:30 AM. I made it to Times Square at 1:30 AM. The amazing thing is that I was standing in the exact same spot I was standing in 365 days ago. It couldn’t have been more fitting as a point of tradition in my life. My goal for 2018 had been to reach out to the community more, and I did do that over last year, but as I stood there this time around I was wondering what will be the next step in my journey,
2019, the year I transition. Yes, you read that right. That is if all goes to plan. Keep in mind a plan that I have not fully made yet, but that is how I roll. I decide to do something and then the little things called “details” usually come later. I am not the most organized person in the world, but I play one on TV.
"NO, I HAVEN’T YET FIGURED OUT WHAT MY TRANSITION LOOKS LIKE, AND AS I SIT HERE THINGS I HAD NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT ARE COMING TO MY MIND."
So there I was in Times Square wondering how different things are going to be and how different I may look 365 days from now. It is the thought that has been the most overwhelming in my mind since. No, I haven’t yet figured out what my transition looks like, and as I sit here things I had never thought about are coming to my mind. Things like the process of changing my name or getting breast augmentation and wondering what size to get.
The most important part of transition for me is my breast augmentation. I would be lying if I didn’t say part of it is sexual, but most of it is because of my history as I was forced to have a breast reduction when I was in middle school. It’s fixing a mistake that was made. I call it a mistake for the lack of a better word because we just did not know or understand who I was back in 1985, nor did we know how it would affect me years later.
In 2018, I discovered that I had spent the last two years of my life trying to hold on to two different worlds. In doing that I fooled myself into thinking I was moving forward, when in reality I was not moving anywhere. By the end of the year, all the forward momentum I started off with had grinded to a full stop.
As I move forward, I plan to share my journey with you. The ups and downs as I do more than transform my physical appearance. I am also transforming my life. It is time for me to live and I plan on doing just that.