While the Left was getting mad, the Right was getting freaky!

Michael Loftus

For everybody who thought Right-Leaning people were just a bunch of angry, fist-shaking, Constitution quoting sad sacks, guess what? Republicans have been getting busy! Knockin' boots. Doing it. Getting their groove on. Doinking. Making the sweet sweet love! And it turns out, they've been doing "it" way more than Democrats!

According to the 2018 SKYN Condoms Millennial Sex Survey, 77% of republicans are having sex once a week, while only 68% of democrats are able to get their freak on weekly. What the what? Aren't republicans supposed to be puritans who never wanna bang? Nope. Not even close.

Here's another fun to know fact: 49.5% of Republicans have tried BDSM at least once. More than Dems. Get out your freak flag and let it fly! Spanking aren't just for Presidential elections. It's good times in the bedroom too! Or the kitchen. We're not here to judge.

And overall, Dems are having 13% LESS sex this year. I knew they were mad about the election and the Supreme Court, but damn! that Coitus Interruptus on a massive scale!

So not only is the left getting angrier and angrier... they're not getting laid! It would explain a LOT of the anger thing. Kind of a self-fulfilling prophesy thing.

Who would have thought the tables would have turned like this? Republicans have more sex. Republicans are freakier. And Democrats are running around in mobs, getting arrested, and getting 13% less action after? It's hilarious.

So if you're reading this and want to get YOUR freak on? You might wanna think about voting republican this election. (cue: 80's porn music) Oh! And bring your whips and paddles! There's not as many taboo's on the right. Who knew?

Here's a link to the poll:

Michael Loftus is a writer/comedian who finds this stuff fascinating!

What about you? Let us know in the comments below. (No judgies. Promise)