What's Chapping My Ass THIS Week! January 20, 2019.

Michael Loftus

Lots of stuff to tell you about this week. Tons to bitch about. But AHHHHHHHH don't just wanna bitch and moan. Gotta find that balance, ya know?

The Deplorable Show:

The Deplorable Show kicks off this Wednesday in Brea, CA. We've sold a bunch of tickets. A BUNCH! But the comedian in me and the competitor in me really wants to sell this show out! I wanna sell out every venue.

It's a really great show and I thank you all for supporting it. Seems like word of mouth is always the best advertising. If you haven't got your ticket yet? C'mon! Whatcha waiting for? Go!

Theaters have said NO to the tour. I can confirm that. The Left doesn't seem to dig competition. Which makes me wanna compete even MORE. HA!

My Crazy Schedule:

My crazy schedule. Everything is manageable. Everything is doable. I'm just getting a little tired of scrambling.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to have all these wonderful things in my life. The website, the Tour, Podcast, YouTube channel...all of it. Just can't shake the feeling I could be working smarter.

So I may twist things up a bit. Play around with my schedule. Seems like I don't have time for the things I really dig anymore. I haven't played a video game in weeks! Tragic!!

And again, I'll make the pitch for Saber Beats. Hot Damn this shit is fun! Here's a clip of some dude Whacking Blocks to "Gangam Style!" I don't know how people could NOT want to do this!

Twitter Life Coaches:

Self professed "life coaches" on Twitter with 20 followers. Dude, come on. Stop it.

These people are hilarious! What are they thinking? I know you want to get paid for dispensing your bullshit to depressed suckers, but REALLY? You have TWENTY followers! Just don't call yourself a life coach...yet.

I think for this to be a good business model? You might want to impress folks with how many people are drinking your Kool-Aid. Maybe wait till you have 2000? And even then, I'm gonna be skeptical.

Life coaches are my new favorite style of bullshit artist BTW. I want that gig. Play video games and jack it all day, then occasionally answer a phone call and tell some idiot: "Yeah, buy the car. You need to reward yourself for being you." (That'll be 2000 dollars please. HA!)

So if you are jumping on the Life Coach bandwagon? Don't advertise till you already got some suckers lined up.


Trump stopping the Dems from leaving town. One of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed in politics. Ever.

The Fast Food Buffet at the White House. Wonderful. No chefs are around because of the partial shutdown and Trump turns it into a photo-op that supports U.S. brands. Just fantastic. And he didn't send some patsy out to explain. Trump did it. And he sold the whole event. Gotta give him credit on that one. And if you're a nutritionist and you were offended? How many calories are in dick? Cause you can blow me.

We've got a BIG week coming up.

New Show on TLP: "BulletPoints" with Michael Loftus and Judd Dunning. It's a fast paced, fun and funny look at the top stories of the week. Hope you'll check it out. It's on this website and YouTube. Let us know what you think! Like ALL of this, its a work in progress.

Latest ep of The Loftus Party podcast is out tomorrow.

New videos are posted on Tuesday and Friday.


As always, YOU are invited to post here too! Do it! Have fun! Life is short.-M