What's Chapping My Ass this Week. December 23, 2018.

Michael runs down some of the stuff that has him irate.

Here we are again. A couple of days before Christmas. Spoiler alert: nothing in this week's column has anything to do with the holiday, so if you're looking for some Andy Rooney/Erma Bombeck Snark about "wacky holiday shoppers" you should move on.

I actually had a pretty easy time shopping this year. People were pretty cool at the mall and Amazon was super easy, as per usual. Yay! Hope that you had a similar experience and you're all set for a wonderful and joyous Christmas.

For my Jewish friends, I hope your Hanukkah was the best ever!

So now that we've covered that, let's jump into what's got me bothered THIS week.

(I need to do another column about shit I LIKE! Boom! 2019 idea! You guys can jump in too. This isn't some exclusive club. Just sayin'. )

Fake Arguments against a Border Wall:

If you saw Friday's video, you know I was talking about the wall and how we need it. Of course it went up on Facebook and...let the games begin! Ha!

I know you probably won't change a person's mind on social media, but the discussions are kinda fun. All I ask is that people be intellectually honest. People keep saying, "Walls don't work." And to that I say, "Bullshit."

I can give example after example of walls that work. I think we ALL can. To just casually say "walls don't work" is flat out disingenuous. (Triple word score for disingenuous!) Walls work like a fucking charm! They define borders, they're deterrents, and they make it difficult to keep walking in a direction unimpeded.

Is a wall the end all, be all? Is it the total solution to illegal immigration? No. We will need other stuff. Drones, sensors, blah, blah, blah. The wall is a start. And a damn good one. It would slow down the flow of illegals and drugs. Just slowing down the drugs should be enough!

Nancy and Chuck really are choosing to put Americans at risk rather than build a wall. That's terrifying. Can't believe more people aren't making this point.

Blaming Rush and Coulter for the Shutdown:

This is what I've been hearing since the partial shutdown started. (FYI: All those gov. peeps ARE funded through Dec 28th. So Santa is still on his way.) It's talk radio's fault! Donald Trump takes his marching orders from Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter!

I think this is a desperate attempt from the media to try and humiliate the Prez. They do this all the time. Nancy Pelosi was talking about his manhood the other day and the media went wild. They hate this dude and think that publicly questioning his decisions and talking about his dick will somehow drive him crazy. HA! Nancy Pelosi was talking about the president's cock to reporters. Does anyone else find that a bit...odd? LOL.

It's not Rush's or Ann's fault. It's Chuck and Nancy's. That's why there's the partial shutdown. The ball is their court! Five billion for a wall. It's peanuts. They are both on record as WANTING a barrier on the border! If Chuck says no? He fucked up.

Trump ran his campaign on The Wall. Loads of people were on TV chanting for The Wall. The message resonated! I don't remember Rush or Ann on stage, whispering in Trump's ear, "Maybe something about a wall." It's hilarious.

Rush and Ann are popular because THEY resonate with people. That's why they have shows and sell a ton of books. People dig what they are saying. Do you see a common thread? The People! The People have had enough of this bullshit. We've needed border security since the fucking Reagan years! Stop lying and build a wall. And if the Gov gets shut down? So be it. The People shut it down. Not a radio host and political pundit.

Mary Poppins Returns:

I KNOW! HARD TURN from politics! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Mary Poppins Returns only made $31 million over the weekend. Good! They're calling it a flop. Double good!

I know, I know. A lot people worked super hard and blah, blah, blah. It's true. They did. The actors and artists etc. worked very, very, hard. You know who DIDN'T work hard? Whoever gave this thing the green light!

Who said yes to this? I've only seen the trailer, but I'm out! The kids who met Mary Poppins are all grown up and made the same mistake as their asshole dad? Are you shitting me? Are you high?! Did you NOT see the first movie? Mary Poppins did some truly magical shit! Some insanely life affecting over the top stuff! You mean to tell me that those kids forgot when they grew up? Go fuck yourself. I don't buy it. Not for ONE SECOND. Go back to the writers room and start over.

Didn't they try this same lame shit with Hook? Peter Pan forgets who he is. BLOW ME! LOL. Did Christopher Robin already chew it at the box office? Did THAT dude forget a shit ton of stuffed animals who were ALIVE and have to remember? What in the actual FUCK? Use your imagination for God's sake.

Imagine if Mary Poppins REALLY did that shit from the first movie. That'd be nuts! Now imagine what would happen next. Congrats. The stuff YOU imagined is probably more entertaining than this sequel.

That's it for my screenwriting class for today. HA! Pretend it's...real. Then start writing.

Comments (2)
No. 1-1

I hate when democrats say wall don't work. To me that's just a lazy answer to an important issue. If democrats whether they are politician or actors or celebrities in general don't believe walls then they need to dismantle the walls around their properties and take all these illegal immigrants into their homes. When take the spot off one their own there go to move is blame conservatives especially prominent conservatives like Rush and Ann. It's just what they do best. Blame someone else. I had an idea about something that would interesting to share here on The Loftus Party website. Someone could share weekly no B.S. stories recipes. All recipes none of the bull shit story telling part. And you could include frugal recipes and concept of if I make this then so can you , like for example crockpot meals or something like that. You could also have a segment where people write to you and send you stuff to a Post Office box. You could even have an amazon wish list. I'm not sure how that would work as not spoiling the surprise of someone send you something on your wish but you could have a weekly segment about it. I know those are probably not the greatest ideas in the world but being a house wife with too much time on my hands that what I came up with.