I know all about you thanks to a peer-reviewed, “scientific” study by Lisa Powell and Elizabeth Engelhardt. These ladies have studied “The Perilous Whiteness of Pumpkins” and claim all things pumpkin signify:
Don't try to deny it. Your pumpkin-spice loving self exudes racial superiority and white privilege. You are a "Basic Bitch."
Having a hard time believing this? Historical research "confirms" the origin of the pumpkin "whiteness." Powell and Engelhardt point to the 19th century African-American southern life where pumpkin associations were often negative:
Fast-forward to today and there's no denying the pumpkin-spice market has gone wild. Google "pumpkin spice products" and simply look at images. The overwhelming variety boggles the mind. According to the study's authors, this marketing effort, especially Starbuck's Pumpkin-Spiced Latte (PSL), is directly capitalizing on the white, privileged female:
Again - white girls are Basic Bitches.
Why is this all "perilous," one might ask. The answer is simple, claim Powell and Engelhardt. Think back to 2014 and revisit the tale of two pumpkin riots. One is the Keene, NH Pumpkin Festival riot where predominately white, frat kids went on a drunken rampage. Students hurled beer bottles, started fires, cursed police and flipped a car. The police response was minimal and the punishment minor. Oh those silly kids.
Contrast this riot with a similar act of police defiance in Ferguson, MO in response to the shooting death of Michael Brown and unequal racial treatment by law enforcement, where predominantly black rioters were labeled thugs: "When Ferguson activists wrote RACISM and WHITE PRIVILEGE on pumpkins, they destabilized the whiteness of pumpkins and the comfort and normalization accompanying it. Bringing pumpkins into the demonstration, and then smashing them on the ground to show outrage at injustice (as opposed to the 'holiday mischief' generally ascribed to pumpkin smashing), activists brought pumpkins into a space where racial inequality and instability could not be ignored or glossed over. Their actions made the white privilege encoded in pumpkins explicit and challenged its future."
All of this angst over the pumpkin. But, hey, perhaps this pumpkin-spice latte shaming is a bit fair. After all black people got stuck with all the racist watermelon wisecracks. This turnabout may simply be an act of fair play.
Go ahead and finish that pumpkin-spice latte. Don't feel shamed for something you biologically can't control. Embrace your inner basic bitch and then work on your holiday decorative gourd display.