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OK, hear me out. Usually I'm not so rabidly pro-lawyer. I kinda feel there's enough people practicing that noble profession. And yes I know it's fun to crap all over shitty lawyers. I GET IT. But as a comedian buddy said a long time ago, "It's fun to dump on lawyers. But who are you gonna call after you get hit by an UPS truck?" (Something like that. You get it.)
Here's what I'm pitching: An absolute tsunami of legal help for "The Right." Conservatives. Maybe we already have plenty of legal help but it sure as hell doesn't feel that way. It seems like every single Democrat in public office is a lawyer. I'm not even kidding. Think about it. Bill Clinton, Obama, Biden, Hillary Clinton, Liz Warren, Kamala Harris, blah, blah, blah...lawyer, lawyer, lawyer. They're ALL LAWYERS! That's one of the reasons Democrats don't get busted. They have already come up with a legal defense BEFORE they even do some super shady shit. And they never seem to get caught. They do JUST enough to skirt the law, beat the charges and walk. It's madness!
Take Hunter Biden and his daddy, Joe; I would bet cash money all that crap they pulled in Ukraine and China was perfectly legal. That's why they did it! It doesn't matter how wrong it was, it was "legal".
That seems to be the M.O. If it's defensible in court and you got good lawyers? Go for it. Smash those laptops. Hammer those Blackberries. Do whatever you want with those emails, Hillary. We got a team of lawyers that will defend the fuck outta whatever you wanna do.
Which leads me to this: Conservatives/Republicans are business owners. We build shit. We create things and sell them for money. We're entrepreneurs. We're NOT Lawyers. We need a ton of 'em. A shit ton! Like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix when he gets all the guns. "We need lawyers." "How many?" "All of them."
President Trump (real estate guy) should have an army of lawyers with him every second of every day. Just to be on the safe side. Not kidding. I want that dude protected legally like no other president in history.
I'm sick and tired of Democrats and their legal maneuvering. They'll twist you up in knots with lawsuits and subpoenas. Most of it just for show or a sound bite or matter of public record. Let's turn the tables on 'em. Let's out-lawyer a bunch of career politician lawyers.
I want lawsuits raining down on Shifty Schiff like he's on Noah's Ark without an umbrella. Just an avalanche of legal blah, blah, so powerful it'd stop a California wildfire.
And the best part? We're protected because we got so many lawyers who've already cleared ALL of it.