Sunbathe Your Butthole? You're Gonna Get Burned.

Michael Loftus

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A couple days ago a story appeared about a person who insisted sunbathing your butthole was good for you. We decided to take the high road and not comment. In our opinion this was just one person who was doing some weird stuff in the desert and well...seemed like nothing more than a giant, "Look at me!" kinda thing.

See? I'm not making it up. But anyway, we passed on making any kind of comment. It just seemed TOO easy, right? And who would ever do this? For real. Who would actually sun their butthole? Josh Brolin...the dude who played Thanos.

Thanos burned his butthole.

There's a sentence we'd never thought we'd type. Ever in our life. But he did. Let's enjoy this quote, shall we?

"My pucker hole is crazy burned and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I'm icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain. I don't know who the f... thought of this stupid s... but f... you nonetheless. Seriously." -- Josh Brolin

HA! LMNSBBO! (Laughing My Non Sun Burned Butt Off)

Here's a hint. There's a reason for people calling it the place "where the sun don't shine" when they talk about where you can stick things like "bad ideas" or "this job." We all know that "where the sun don't shine" is your butthole!

Now take a place where the sun don't shine and expose it to sun? Even a little bit? You're gonna get burnt! Don't come crying to me. Or crawling. Walking with a burned out "O" ring is gonna hurt.

So maybe think twice about sunning the ol' rosebud. And if you do? How about using some sunscreen? And if you've got someone in your life who will apply sunscreen to your starfish? Congrats. That's true love. Not a lot of people will answer the call to help out with the "rub this on my rusty bullet hole" shout.

And another thing! What does this cure? What does sunning your bung do? General wellness? Energy? It better do something amazing! Sunning your ham flower better cure cancer or make you age backwards or something of equal goodness. Just sleeping better doesn't seem worth it to me. Your puckered cheerio is a precious commodity. Be careful with it. No one can enjoy a burned out brown eye.

So here's the question: Would you even consider this? And if so, why?

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Comments (2)
No. 1-1
KimberlyfromNebraska
KimberlyfromNebraska

That’s hilarious