Sex Survey: Almost 3 in 10 Americans Haven't Been Laid in Almost a YEAR!

The results of new sex survey show Americans aren't having sex as much as they want. The sky is also blue.

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The results of a new sex survey are in. We'll break it down for you. Almost a third of Americans haven't had sex in a year. That is messed up, but it's always kind of reassuring that it's not just few people who want to get laid more. It's almost 33% of the population.

The survey was paid for by LELO. Just so you know, LELO makes sex toys and vibrators. Stuff like that. And if people are really as horny as they say they are in this survey? Now would probably be a great time to think about investing in a company like LELO.

Here's some of the findings from the 2000 people surveyed.

A "Dry Spell" means at least 5 months without sex and 28% of the respondents had been in a dry spell for almost a year!

Ouch. So what do all these people do when they're not knocking boots?

38% say they exercise more, one in four just avoid the bedroom and 68% say they use sex toys for help. (That's where we got our investment idea. Ha!)

Some respondents said there was an upside to not getting laid. Those people are liars and their opinions don't count.

18% said they turned to an ex to end the dry spell. That number seemed low to us, but at least somebody was telling the truth.

Most of the people survey said they wanted sex 3 times a week. Totally reasonable right? So what's the problem? Why aren't people banging as often as they'd like?

If you guessed "relationship problems," "work schedule," or "not focused on sex" then you're a winner. That's what they said too.

Hey! If you're "just not focused on sex," why in the fuck are you participating in a "I don't have sex enough" survey?! You're screwing up the results!

Here's the good news: It looks like a large part of the population wants more sex! Woo Hoo!

If you're part of the 33% maybe your significant other is too! So just bring it up. You can use this bullshit article as an excuse.

Say something like, "I read this article today about people wanting more sex and..." Boom! Next thing you know, you're banging away like jack rabbits at Mardi-Gras. You're welcome. All you had to do was bring it up in conversation!

That's our theory. Lack of communication. If everyone REALLY wants more sex then the odds are in your favor. Bring it up! Talk about it! Make it a fucking issue! (See what we did there?)

Chances are your partner feels the same way. So go. Have that convo! Hope you get laid. And by all means, get as freaky as you wanna be. As long as that's cool with your significant other.

Life is short. You don't want a 5 month dry spell to turn into a "rest of your life" spell cause you got hit by a truck and now your dead.

Sounds depressing right? I KNOW! Good luck. And tonight, when you're lying there in the after-glow? Say a little thank you to The Loftus Party. We're on your side.

-The Mgmt

We're on Patreon! And without your help we're screwed! (Kidding! But that WAS funny) If you'd like to help, here's the link! Thanks!

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