Let's 'Spring Forward' this Weekend and NEVER Touch Our Clocks Again!

Michael Loftus

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I'm done with this bullshit. Every few months we screw ourselves by moving our clocks ahead or back an hour. It's insanely stupid and I'm over it. I give zero shits about why it started or who started it. Daylight savings is a ridiculous notion and its time is way over.

Senator Marco Rubio just introduced the "Sunshine Protection Act" and it better pass. The Bill would have us all, as a nation, move our clocks forward this weekend and be done. Hallelujah!

If this bill doesn't become law? I fear we may be doomed as a society.

Who benefits from all of us resetting our clocks every few months? Is there some secret underground clock lobby that's all powerful? Some bizarre cabal that's more powerful than the Illuminati?

No. There's not. God I hope there isn't. If there is, I'm a dead man. Well, me and Rubio.

Daylight savings is the poster child for government programs. It probably started as some well intentioned thing, quickly failed and Big Brother just kept letting it ride. Regardless of the success or outcome, they just kept going with it.

We've all heard the urban legends as to how this shit got started. More light for farmers, safer travel for early morning school buses, or plain old "it'll save energy and help us beat Hitler."

Again, I give zero shits. The world has become modernized, school buses have lights, and Hitler is fucking dead. So let's move on.

I want more day! I want more light! If you have the slightest leanings toward depression, those short days of winter are just brutal.

Yes, I know the Earth tilts and the days are naturally shorter. Blow me. It's already bad enough. Why make it worse by pretending it's 4:30 instead of 5:30? For real? Who does that? Idiots. That's who.

So lets do it. Let's fix this bullshit once and for all. Follow me and we shall never go back! We shall never return to darkness or stupid laws and the people who make them. We want the sun, dammit!

If Rubio's bill fails? Let's just decide as a people we aren't going to abide. We switch our clocks for the last time this Sunday and we never look back.

And if we're all an hour early for everything this winter? At least we'll know who the smart people are. US!

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