Feds Suggest Setting Thermostat to 82 at Night. We Suggest Drug Testing Feds.

Michael Loftus

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The Department of Energy and the EPA got together a while back and formed a joint venture: Energy Star! That's who puts those stickers on all the new appliances. You know, the Energy Star Rating! We always wondered who that was and now we know. It's the feds.

Well, today Energy Star released their suggestions for how we should all be setting our thermostats for the summer months. Way to go! It's almost autumn, but who's ever suggested the government be ahead of the curve. Here's what they want us to do: 78 degrees when you're home, 85 when you're away. And at night? You can cool off to a brisk 82. Yup. That's what they want. Which begs the question: Are they high?!

82 degrees? At night? In the summer? That's gross and inhumane. Also bad for the environment, because I'm going to be sweating so much, I'm gonna be washing sheets every day! Think of the energy my washer is going to be using. Not to mention the water! And the fact it's too fucking hot to sleep. The entire nation would be sleep deprived and passing out at their desks and behind the wheel. It would cost employers a fortune and the highways would be littered with dead, sweaty bodies.

This is what I don't like about Big Gov. Did they even think this through? Sure they're probably technically correct. IF you set your thermostat THAT high it would save you some money. This is true. And if we all burn our cars we'd reduce traffic! No shit! Who's gonna actually do it? Nobody! Well maybe a couple morons but they don't count. The vast majority of Americans are going to say what I said: Are they high? Are people at Energy Star THAT out of touch? Yes. Yes they are.

This is the government we're talking about. They probably spent a fortune on the study and figured, meh...why not release the findings? It's a giant waste! What good is a recommendation if no one's going to do it?

I could've saved Uncle Sam a fortune! "Maybe don't set your AC to 68 degrees. If you set it to 71 it feels the same and you'll save a boatload of money!" That's it. End of story. Just kick it up a couple notches. Not, "82 degrees at night!" It's shockingly stupid. That's a hyperspace leap into uncomfortable sweaty hotness. Nope. Never gonna happen.

So there you have it. We funded an expensive study. They released the findings and nothing changes. Our tax dollars at work. Now we begin the countdown to Energy Star releasing their winter findings. According to my calculations we should find out in late March that we'd all be better off setting our thermostats to 34 on winter nights.

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