The Conservative Case for Sending Our Kids Back to Indoctrination Centers

Paul Hair

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Here’s a short story about conservatism and public schools. It’s humorous and it examines how conservatives’ rhetoric doesn’t quite match up with what they actually believe. (RELATED: Surviving Goes against Our Christian Values)

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“Oh, man! Oh, man! Oh, man! We’ve got to get kids back into classrooms in public schools! Shutting down schools has been so damaging to them! Think of the children! Think of the children!” Dick said.

Tom arched an eyebrow. “Really? Aren’t you a conservative?”

“You bet I am,” Dick replied.

“And haven’t conservatives spent the last few decades whining about how terrible public schools are? How they’re nothing but indoctrination centers for kids?” Tom asked.

“Our kids still need an education,” Dick shot back.

“I homeschool my kids,” said Tom.

“Well, not everyone has the luxury for that,” Dick told him.

“Right. So what was the point of all that conservative hysteria about schools?” Tom asked.

“We gotta do something about how they’re indoctrinating our children,” Dick said.

“And what ‘something’ did conservatives do about that for the past half century?”

“Well . . . well . . . well . . . well. . . .”

Tom nodded his head. “Exactly. Not much. So you know schools indoctrinate kids and yet you—conservatives—are incapable of doing anything about it. Oh, yeah. And when your opponents shut down the public schools in a political move, you don’t seize that opportunity to advance your supposed agenda. Instead, you fight to get kids back into the indoctrination centers. Is that right?”

“I mean, when you put it like that—” Dick furrowed his brow. “Look, if you want to fight about this, we can.”

Tom held up his hand. “Nope. I most certainly don’t want to fight about it. Right now, at least. I’m going to take my kid for a hike in the woods. By the way, who’s your kid’s teacher right now for public school remote learning?”

“Mr. Smith,” Dick said.

“Harry Smith? The one who rails at rallies about how America is fundamentally racist?” Tom replied. “The one who was just arrested for firebombing the police station at the riot in the city?”

“Yeah. Why?” Dick asked.

“No reason,” Tom said. “Have a good day.”

Top Image: © Paul Hair, 2020

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