Tattoos the New 'It Thing'

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Tattoos seem to be the new “it thing” to do at the moment. Men, women, and even children, who apply fake tattoos, are tattooing themselves all over their bodies. I was thinking about certain politicians today and I started to wonder what types of tattoos they might or do have. I also have added a few suggestions. While I would have to admit I have a vivid imagination, I know I've hit the nail right on the head with these individuals.

Bernie Sanders is first up on the list. “Crazy Bernie,” as Trump likes to say, has been hanging around locker rooms all over Vermont for years. You have seen his athletic prowess when he swings a baseball bat for the media, haven’t you? We know the tattoos he has. The man, who never had a job until he was 40 years old, has the former flag of the Soviet Union on his left butt cheek, obtained during his honeymoon to the Iron Curtain and he has TAXI’s own Jim Ignatowski tattooed on his left shoulder. The two of them have the same hairstyle, making them brothers- from-other-mothers.

Elizabeth Warren, of course, has Pocahontas on her left forearm and Pinocchio on her left thigh. Haven't you seen her in a bikini in Harvard's “Professors Are Hot” calendar? The senator from Massachusetts has not found a lie she doesn't like to tell in her years as a professor, senator, and now presidential candidate.

Jerry Nadler Is known for his Fat Albert tattoo he has on his chest. I have to commend the representative for his incredible weight-loss; however, we all wish he could get tailored suits, so he does not have to pull his pants and belt up to his chest. Several aides, who work for members of Congress, have seen Nadler staring at himself in the mirror, with his shirt off, when he exits the members-only steam room.

Nancy Pelosi, better known now as “Crazy Nancy,” has a tattoo of herself on her right derriere. Please don't ask me how I know, but I know. I would suggest that the Speaker should get a tattoo of a donkey on her left derriere. Why? So, she can be buried face down. Someday, if her coffin needs to be opened, everyone will know Jackass Nancy Pelosi is the one in the coffin.

Al Gore has a tattoo of the sun on his left shoulder and a dead polar bear on his right shoulder. They signify global warming. His massage therapist told me all about it. He also has a tattoo on his inner thigh; she didn't give that one up!

Mitt Romney is a Latter-day Saint, like me. I know, for a fact, his campaign released rumors of McCain’s affair with a lobbyist, which are actually true, in 2008. Mr. Benedict Arnold could at best be categorized as a rhino; therefore, I would speculate that if he was ever to get a tattoo, he would get one on his buttocks of the biggest rhinoceros a tattoo artist could do. If anyone can recall, it was Shannon O'Brien’s tattoo reference during her debate with Romney, while they both ran for governor, that was the turning point of the election.

Michael Bloomberg has tattoos all over his body of dollars signs. Trust me I know.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz could be the worst politician of all-time. The former chairwoman of the DNC needs more than just a suggestion for her tattoo she is getting in 2020, as her New Year's resolution. I would suggest she obtain a tattoo of Miss Scarlett on her calf. Miss Scarlett, the daughter of Mrs. Peacock, is perfect for Congresswoman Schultz. For one, she looks like a peacock, and two, she has no clue what's going on as a representative. Get it? Clue!

Andrew Yang seems like one of the happiest guys in politics. His dancing and aerobics look like a great time. Unfortunately, the man lost all credibility, with me, when I saw him taking a can of whipped cream and spraying it in a supporter’s mouth when the supporter was on his knees. Not very presidential, sir. My suggestion for Mister Yang is to get Bozo the Clown as a tramp stamp on his back, because with lunacy like that, you will be nothing more than a clown.

Cory Booker, Mister Spartacus himself, still believes he has a shot at the nomination. Between you and I, Senator Booker, you don't. I do give him some respect, however, as rumor has it, he's about to become engaged to a Hollywood actress. The only reason he is not the candidate with the most exaggerations is because Elizabeth Warren is still in the race. If you recall, when he was still a New Jersey mayor he saved everybody like he was a modern-day Noah. I do not trust him. I suggest the former mayor get a tattoo of a lion on his right forearm. Why a lion? According to him, he killed one with his bare hands in his New Jersey home's backyard saving his beagle from absolute peril.

Gavin Newsom, Gavin Newsom, Gavin Newsom is a moron of epic proportions. I've been told Gavin has a tattoo of the Bass Pro Shop logo on the back of his left shoulder. The man happens to be infatuated with tents. Who else would allow the homeless, in California, to build tent cities on sidewalks, assuring businesses to collapse, in some of the finer cities in the world? How do I know this is true? Kimberly Guilfoyle told me all about it.

Mitch McConnell should have a huge boulder for a tattoo. Since the man took over as Senate Majority Leader, he has been steady as a rock. Thankfully for the Republican Party, he has shown steady leadership throughout the President’s first term.

Devin Nunes needs to have a huge Gold Star tattooed on his chest. Why? If Devin Nunes did not find what the Obama administration did to the president, then the president would not have been able to flourish like he is now. Nunes verified just how awful The Democrats have become.

Tell me who this is at calan@calanhunter.com: The makers of kneepads have totally went out of business because of this person dropping out of the race.

Calan Hunter

Buy my new novel AZTEZ PHENOM at www.calanhunter.com

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Comments (1)
Michael  Loftus
Michael Loftus

Editor

good stuff, man!