Nipples Are Men’s Way Of Appropriating The Female Body

Paul Hair

Men are scum. The history of their existence is nothing but death and destruction. And as we all work to destroy the patriarchy we can never launch enough social justice wars towards that end. And with this in mind, the next war we need to fight is against men and nipples. After all, when you think about it, nipples are just men’s way of appropriating the female body.

What use are nipples on a man? None, that’s what! Indeed, they are there to mock the female body. They serve as an ever-present reminder of men’s subjugation of women by taking a decidedly female feature and plastering it on their own bodies. And while they shamelessly flaunt this in public, women remain forced to cover their nipples. (Hence, our noble fight to Free the Nipple on women.)

So what are we to do about men’s nipples? First, we must educate society about what an injustice they are. Nipples are solely the domain of the female breast. They are entirely of the feminine—crowns of the life-giving breast. Yet men have appropriated this sacred part of a woman’s body just like white people appropriate other cultures.

And what have women done to deserve such an attack? Name one distinctively male body part that a woman has on her body. You can’t—because there aren’t any! (Yet why shouldn’t they? But that’s a fight for another day.)

The bottom line is THIS MUST STOP!!!

We must unite and say, “No more! We demand that men remove nipples from their bodies!”

Our cause is righteous and the time to end this history-long injustice is now. NO NIPPLE REMOVAL, NO PEACE! Shout it with me, comrades! Shout it in the streets! Shout it in the classrooms! Shout it in the boardrooms! It’s time to talk truth to power—to the patriarchy—and say that we will not tolerate this aggression any longer!

Start fighting back on social media. Post about it wherever you go. Be as unrelenting and annoying as possible. You know what I mean—be your natural selves!

Do not let our oppressors ignore this as they do with every righteous cause. Get in their faces. Bring society to a halt. Can you think of any other issue that deserves society’s attention right now? Only the War on Reality—forcing men into women’s bathrooms and making it a crime to call someone by the wrong pronoun—is more critical.

The good news is we have forced the highest levels of power to make the War on Reality their number one priority. The President of the United States now leads this fight.

So there’s no reason to think we can’t make the War on Nipples a national security crisis too!

Fight, comrade! History will remember us well!