The members of Satanic San Francisco sent the college-style admissions letter to the 267 members of Congress who receive the most money from the gun lobby and who are “among the least interested in gun control provisions or seriously studying gun violence as a public issue.” Each letter includes the specific amount of money that politician has received from the NRA.
The full letter reads:
Dear [Member of Congress]
The entirety of the 9th circle joins me in the most rewarding part of my job — offering you admission to Hell under the Early Action Program.
Every year the admissions committee reviews the deeds of billions of souls, and you’re a real standout. Even as your nation’s children are slaughtered in their classrooms and their mothers and fathers murdered at work, your unwavering commitment to our most devoted servants — the National Rifle Association — is truly impressive.
While known domestic abusers purchase weapons without fear of background checks, your conscience can be bought for a mere [*****amount of money received from the NRA*\] in campaign donations.** That is just the kind of malfeasance that keeps our hellish community strong.
In Hell you will be surrounded by a welcoming body of like-minded souls committed to fostering suffering and cruelty. We look forward to watching your contributions grow through the transformational opportunities Hell has to offer. We know that you are considering many options for the afterlife but we’re confident that thanks to your continued allegiance to the NRA you’ll eventually enroll here.
Many congratulations! Now go celebrate! We look forward to greeting you when your time on Earth has reached its natural end.
Very Truly Yours,
BAPHOMET, Demon of Admissions
So now, as the Friendly Atheist notes, along with the Evangelical community, Republicans (and in this case, a few Democrats) can rest easy knowing they have the support of Satan as well.