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Televangelist Kenneth Copeland told his followers this week that God told him he must raise $300 million this year, according to the Friendly Atheist — even in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic.

“This ministry will receive, this year — are you listening to me now? God just kept laying this on me, just kept laying this on me… of course, I didn’t have any idea all of this [virus] mess was gonna happen, but God did — and the Lord had already dropped in my spirit and in my heart several years ago — about three years ago — that the income of this ministry, this year, had to be $300 million!” Copeland said.

He then went on to tell a bizarre story about his attorneys preparing a “heavenly grant” that is now “on file in Heaven.”

“So in response to what He kept pushing me to do, we prepared a heavenly grant — our attorney looked at it and he put it in proper legal language,” he said. “We took copies of that. Members of the board, if they haven’t already, will get a copy of that. Thank God. And it is on file in Heaven. It’ll come in this year. It can’t not come in this year. And there’s no virus gonna keep it from happening in my house or yours.”

There is no sense trying to make heads or tails of this account — as is true with most of what Copeland says.

The Friendly Atheist noted that last week, the televangelist literally spat as he attempted to destroy the coronavirus with prayer.

“Wind! Almighty! Strong! South wind! Heat! Burn this thing! In the name of Jesus! I say, you bow your knees! You fall on your face,” he prayed.

“COVID-19! [Spit] I blow the wind of God on you! You are destroyed forever. And you’ll never be back. Thank you, God. Let it happen. Cause it to happen.”

Spoiler: it didn’t work.