Michelle Wolf at White House Correspondents’ dinner in under 5 minutes

Michelle Wolf's White House Correspondents Dinner Act in 5 Minutes

Michelle Wolf gave a hell of a performance at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. She made a lot of people uncomfortable. The question is why? Wasn’t Seth Meyers just as blunt? Well, we know that women who execute outside of the rails tend to get criticized from both men and women. But Michelle Wolf did more than that. She went after the entire political/media cabal with a touch of how it operates within this corrupt economy. For that, she. must be delegitimized.

It is shameful that it took a Conservative Republican, Ana Navarro to come out with a full-tweeted defense of Michelle Wolf. Mika Brzezinski, a supposed Progressive, instead of support, demanded an apology.


I'm here to make jokes. I have no agenda. I'm not trying to get anything accomplished. So, everyone that's here from Congress, you should feel right at home.

I'm 32 years old which is an odd age -- 10 years too young to host this event and 20 years too old for Roy Moore. He almost got elected. Yeah.

I know there's a lot of people that want me to talk about Russia and Putin and collusion. But I'm not gonna do that because there's also a lot of liberal media here and I've never really wanted to know what any of you look like when you orgasm.

It is kind of crazy that the Trump campaign was in contact with Russia when the Hillary campaign wasn't even in contact with Michigan.

I know I would drag him here myself but it turns out the President of the United States is the one pussy you're not allowed to grab. He said it first. Yeah.

People call Trump names all the time. And look, I could call Trump a racist or a misogynist or xenophobic or unstable or incompetent or impotent, but he's heard all of those and he doesn't care. So tonight I'm gonna try to make fun of the president in a new way, in a way that I think will really get him. Mr. President, I don't think you're very rich.

Trump is so broke he has to fly' failed business class. Trump is so broke he had to borrow money from the Russians and now he's compromised and not susceptible to blackmail and possibly responsible for the real collapse of the Republic. Trump is also an ideas guy. He's got loads of ideas. He wants to give teachers guns. And I support that because then they can sell them for things they need, like supplies.

A lot of people want Trump to be impeached. I do not because just when you think Trump is awful you remember Mike Pence. Mike Pence is also very anti-choice. He thinks abortion is murder. And yeah sure you can groan all you want. I know a lot of you are very anti-abortion, you know unless it's the one you got for your secret mistress.

I did have a lot of jokes about cabinet members. But I had to scrap all of those because everyone has been fired.

Paul Ryan also couldn't make it of course. He's already been circumcised. Unfortunately, while they were down there they also took his balls.

Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don't do anything. People think you might flip the House and Senate this November. But you guys always find a way to mess it up. You're somehow gonna lose by 12 points to a guy named Jeff pedophile Nazi doctor.

We should definitely talk about the women in the Trump administration. There's Kellyanne Conway. Man, she has the perfect last name for what she does. You guys gotta stop putting Kellyanne on your shows. All she does is lie. If you don't give her a platform she has nowhere to lie.

And of course, we have Sarah Huckabee Sanders. We are graced with Sarah's presence tonight. I have to say I'm a little star-struck. Every time Sarah steps up to the podium I get excited because I'm not really sure what we're gonna get -- you know, a press briefing a bunch of lies, or divided into softball team. "It's shirts and skins and this time, don't be such a little bitch Jim Acosta." I actually really like Sarah. I think she's very resourceful. Like she burns facts. And then she uses that ash to create a perfect smoky eye.

We've got our friends at CNN here. Welcome guys. It's great to have you. You guys love breaking news and you did it. You broke it.

Fox News is here. So you know what that means ladies. Cover your drinks.

People want me to make fun of Sean Hannity tonight. But I cannot do that. This dinner is for journalists.

We've got MSNBC here. MSNBC's new slogan is "This is who we are." Guys, it's not a good slogan.

I'm not gonna go after print media tonight because it's illegal to attack an endangered species.

There's a ton of news right now. A lot is going on. And we have all these 24-hour news networks. And we could be covering everything. But instead, we're covering like three topics. Every hour it's Trump, Russia, Hillary, and a panel of four people that remind you why you don't go home for Thanksgiving.

You guys are obsessed with Trump. Did you use to date him? Because you pretend like you hate him but I think you love him. What no one in this room wants to admit is that Trump has helped all of you. He couldn't sell steaks or vodka or water or college or ties or Eric. But he has helped you. hH's helped you sell your papers and your books and your TV. You helped create this monster and now you're profiting off of him.

Comments

Stories