I, Democratic Whore, Went to the NY Hillary Victory Party

I and three of my fellow vagina-voting Democratic-corporate- whore friends

Had an amazing time at the official Hillary Clinton New York primary night gathering. The energy was at such high pitch I found myself jumping up and down. I may not have done that since my hometown D.C. won the Super Bowl in the 80s.

There were celebrity sightings at the event. “Psst,” I nudged my friend, “New York City Comptroller Scott Stringer at 10 o’clock.” Okay, maybe that wasn’t the most exciting spotting, but as a “Top Chef” fan, Tom Colicchio was. (Just so you know, his eyes are even bluer in person than they are on TV reflected off the refrigerator in the Top Chef kitchen.)

I had a strange feeling all primary day. In a word, it was confidence. I am not used to that feeling, so I feared it portended something terrible. There it was nonetheless. Being a Hillary supporter, who’s very biased for her (so biased, I could become a journalist), it just felt like things were falling in place for her in the Empire State. And the polling looked good. I heard some people around me predicting a Bernie Sanders win. I just figured the poor souls didn’t know to go to Nate Silver’s predictions and instead were just relying on the hunches of their roommates.

On top of the projections were the optics. In New York, Hillary seemed to be having the time of her life. Every time I went on Twitter, there was a video of her dancing the salsa, playing dominos, and chowing down ice cream. Meanwhile, Sanders was spinning out from a bad Daily News interview—screaming “unqualified” and stalking the Pope as his hair became increasingly frazzled.

The couple of weeks leading up to the New York primary were packed with memorable moments. Who will soon forget the grotesque amount of money raised at the George Clooney Hollywood fundraiser to support Hillary and other Democratic candidates around the country as they face a billion-dollar onslaught this election season from the Koch Brothers etc. on the other side. It raised such an obscene amount of money from the 1% that I’m wondering if Clooney can do one again tomorrow night.

Leading up to the New York primary, a couple of Sanders surrogates made striking statements. At the top of the list was the yelling of “Democratic corporate whores” by Bernie’s introducer at his rally in Washington Square Park. I’m not sure this phrase landed well in a city of strongly identified Democrats.

It did, however, give me something to work with when I had to be in Greenwich Village that night after the rally and found myself surrounded by people with Sanders signs and shirts. That evening, I wore my “H” for Hillary sticker, because, well, I’m passive-aggressive. “I am a Democratic corporate whore!” I said to anyone who looked at me askew.

I was actually in the Village that night to do stand-up comedy in a bar. After I performed for some young Bernie supporters, who turned out to be a wonderful and enthusiastic audience, I went from saying, “I’m a Democratic whore” to “I love young Bernie voters!”

The next week, another Sanders surrogate, Susan Sarandon, went on “The View” and knocked Hillary Clinton by calling her a Republican. The wackiest part about that statement was that she told this to a national daytime TV audience. I am sure that is their biggest problem with Hillary. That she’s not liberal enough! It probably wound up helping Clinton. I could imagine a viewer at home thinking, “Now that I’m a married white woman with two kids living in Indiana, I feel more conservative. I’m so glad Susan Sarandon has told me that Hillary is really a Republican, because now I’m definitely voting for her.”

Never mind that Republicans would certainly not consider Clinton one of their own. It doesn’t have to be true, especially as we pivot toward the general election. Thanks, Susan!

So the night of the New York primary, I was feeling positive. Then came the CNN exit poll results: Clinton 52, Sanders 48. Uh-oh. Too close. Even though those numbers didn’t really add up, they scared me. It turns out the exit polls were quite off. The statisticians probably said, “52-48 yea, those are the upstate results. Oh, you wanted us to include the numbers for New York City too? Our bad.”

The final results gave her a 15-point win across the state and 26-point win in the city. The next day, New Yorkers spent hours with the New York Times map that showed New York City results by neighborhood. Many who did not dare say out loud to their friends or neighbors that they were voting for Hillary (assuming most were going for Sanders) were in for a shock. It turned out many of us did the same.

Quite a few New Yorkers (well, white New Yorkers at least) had the same story: “I walked out of my apartment to vote and I didn’t dare to make eye contact with my neighbor. I noticed he didn’t really make eye contact with me either, but I just figured he could sense the ‘evil’ vote I was about to make.” Well, it turns out that guy was voting for her too.

So let us vagina-voting Democratic-corporate- whore Hillary voters celebrate. And now, we don’t have to do it as silently.

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