Trevor Noah Will Be Fired Soon, Eric Trump Is Awesome

Another Friday, another end to terrible news cycle.

By now, Bleachaholics should know that I use Fridays the same way as the FBI does: by taking a massive dump. Firstly, let me point out that one of my favorite stories from this week’s election cycle that was whitewashed by the mainstream media was Hillary Clinton getting caught red-handed using Pennsylvania Senator Leach’s daughter as a plant for her sham “town hall” rally. The question asked by the aspiring actress Ms. Leach was about the idiotic topic of fat-shaming. YAWN.

Now for the good dope. The Daily Show’s Trevor Noah will be fired soon. His ratings are worse than CNN’s at this point, and I don’t see how Comedy Central can keep smiling like a jackass while the show falls apart. While I can understand Trevor Noah treading water for much of the last year, the fact that his material and ratings are both garbage during an election year featuring Donald Trump should be a fitting testament to Noah’s failure as anchor of The Daily Show. The political material that comes during an election year has been a goldmine for The Daily Show for well over a decade by now. This is supposed to be the time where The Daily Show royally cashes in with viewers seeking the satirical and cynical perspective of a political circus, and Noah is awful. Jon Stewart, before his departure, BEGGED for Donald Trump to run because he sensed the unlimited opportunities for jokes. If Stewart (or even his temporary replacement John Oliver) were still hosting, the ratings would be through the roof and the laughter could be heard on Mars. Instead, Trevor Noah is failing to capitalize on what is essentially his golden opportunity to redeem the show, which has been awful since he took over. It isn’t happening, Trevor Noah flat-out sucks, the ratings are in the toilet, and soon Noah will be flushed down with all his $hitty material.

It is certainly true that Daily Show fans were spoiled rotten by Stewart. His material and approach was extremely sharp, which is why he won all those Emmys, scored big contracts, and took the ratings through the roof. Even though I think he’s a leftard @sswipe, I won’t begrudge him the good comedy he delivered. He eviscerated all the cable news pundits and even single-handedly destroyed Tucker Carlson’s show Crossfire. He had the famous debates with Bill O’Reilly, he had countless appearances on all the cable news shows, and even his material was both featured and used as political fodder on cable news shows. Everything he did worked.

The same can’t be said for Noah. His delivery is awkward, cringy, and downright painful to listen to. His jokes are awful. None of his stuff gets any traction. There will be no Emmys, no sky-high ratings, no featured segments on cable news, nothing, zilch, nada. Even the youtube videos of some of the more “hilarious” Trevor Noah Daily Show segments get panned in the comments and fail to attract considerable view. All the years of hard work of Stewart building up the Daily Show as a centerpiece for Comedy Central has been undone with an autistic muppet named Trevor Noah, and the act of hiring and keeping Noah for this long smacks of racist tokenism. I honestly have no other way to explain how he still has the job, and my best guess is that Noah was given this election year to win over viewers and demonstrate that he had the goods to carry on the tradition of good political comedy. There is no other way to view Trevor Noah’s tenure at The Daily Show other than as a total failure. I don’t care if Comedy Central thinks that America needs an annoying black comedian, the guy doesn’t have the goods. But by all means, keep shoving him out there to bomb night after night, I am genuinely curious at this point to see just how far the ratings can sink before Comedy Central decides it’s time for them to stop pretending they love garbage that America rejects. Make no mistake about it, Bleachaholics, Noah will be fired soon, and he will have deserved it much sooner.

Next up…Eric Trump is becoming quite the political animal. Let’s step back and reasonably acknowledge that the mainstream media has been kissing up to dumbass Chelsea Clinton as if she farts unicorns and lollipops. She continuously says stupid things on the campaign trail while begging sycophants to vote for her wonderful mommy, and the press treats her with kid gloves. This isn’t news, it’s been repeatedly called out by Ben Shapiro and CNN’s Jake Tapper, among others. The types of questions that the Trump family are peppered with by this same mainstream media are more reasonable, but made appalling when compared to the softballs under-handed to Chelsea. Case in point (as made by Shapiro) was when Trump’s daughter was asked by a CNN anchor about her father being a sexist. The press wouldn’t dare ask any questions of Chelsea about her father’s lecherous behavior, but it’s fair game for Ivanka? Drink bleach.

That being said, Eric Trump has earned the right to be a ruthless b*****d on the campaign trail, and he is doing a fantastic job. It is so refreshing to see Eric Trump rip apart CNN’s anchors and Hillary Clinton’s sham of a campaign when you remember the antiseptic and phony brood of Mitt-ster and Ann Romney. When Mitt Romney sicced his kids on the campaign trail 4 years ago, they were unbelievably stupid and nobody liked them. How is it that Mitt Romney has an army of smiling rich bozo mini-clones of himself and none of them have any military service to boast of? If we’ve learned anything at all from gameshow host Joe Biden, it is that you must have at least ONE kid in the service so you can endlessly brag about how your kid serves (even if you didn’t). As much as I hate The View, they were spot on when they called out Ann Romney for not having her kids do any kind of military service. Her moronic excuse that they were Mormons and served the country “in other ways” is one of the most pathetic excuses I’ve heard in my life. The Trump brood haven’t served either, but they aren’t being phony. The image they are projecting is one of confidence, cunning and ambition.

Eric Trump has stepped up his game on the campaign trail recently. First, there was the post-V.P debate analysis where 3 of CNN’s clowniest clowns squawked incessantly about Donald’s tax returns. I’m going to link the video at the bottom, it has to be seen to be believed. Eric Trump demolished them in a three-on-one handicap match, and the blond bimbo utterly embarrassed herself by being such a stupid badger.

Next up, Eric Trump recently took to the radio airwaves to call Hillary Clinton “sick” and “evil” for buying up advertisement time/space on The Weather Channel in the swing state of Florida right before it gets hit by Hurricane Matt. I’m guessing it was another brilliant idea from Clinton campaign doofus Robbie Mook, who has been an embarrassment. Nevertheless, it is a sharkish move by Eric Trump to force the Clinton Campaign to own up to their political opportunism and dirty tricks…AND IT WORKED! Maybe some will say that it was bound to be poorly received and the Clinton Campaign wisely thought better of it, but Eric Trump hitting the airwaves and calling it out like a b0ss gives him the glory and the credit for tipping the ad-wars in Florida. Well played Eric, let’s hope there’s yet another Trump card up his sleeve. Don’t get cocky.

It’s Friday. Have a good weekend, don’t watch any NFL trash. Enjoy the debate. No matter how well Trump does, the media will spin it. I don’t play that game…I refuse…