Act Like a Lady? Think Like Myself!

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By Kellee Montgomery-Snow

Recently, I was given the very popular book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, written by actor/comedian Steve Harvey. Why, you ask? Well, a few people in my inner circle believe my “combative” personality towards men needs to be toned down a bit, and that reading Steve Harvey’s book was supposed to be the remedy. I know, I know. I chuckled a bit too. Being the curious woman that I am, I wanted to see what all the hoopla was about.

Well, he starts the book off by saying that in terms of relationships, a man loves a woman only when he professes his love for her, can provide for her, and protect her. Mr. Harvey notes that one of the ways a man makes it known he wants to be serious with a woman is by “claiming” her. If he hasn’t “claimed” you, all he wants to do is sleep with you, no more, no less.

He explains that when men come home, men need to hear things like (this is a direct quote from the book), “You so big and strong and you’re everything I need.” I don’t know about you, but trying to tell a man I’m involved with that exact statement would lead me into a hysterical laughing fit! Don’t misunderstand me, I have no problems complementing, but only when it’s warranted… I refuse to go running to the door as soon as I hear the keys rattling with OH HONEY YOU’RE SO BIG AND STRONG THANK MY LUCKY STARS BIG DADDY IS HOME!!

Okay. Chapter Four of the book is one I have the most issues with. Mr. Harvey goes on to discuss the fact that men never want to hear women start a conversation with “I need to talk” because it apparently sends men into a frenzy. Whether or not we need to discuss something important or just feel like talking to the men in our lives, Mr. Harvey says men are uninterested in talking to us about our feelings… our female friends are in our lives for this purpose. Which lead me to this question: What the hell is the point of being in a relationship with a person who doesn’t want to know why you may be upset? Or doesn’t want to talk like good friends do?

My imagination began to get the best of me, as I started to envision such a relationship… wife comes home from work, gives her husband a quick peck on the lips and runs for her cell phone to tell her closest female friend all about her day. Is that what living with another is supposed to be about, Mr. Harvey? Furthermore, is this what women are rushing down the aisle for?

Later in the book, Mr. Harvey brings up the male need for sex, where he so tenderly references our lovely vaginas as “the cookie” (insert sarcasm here). Women need to understand that regardless of your busy schedule sex needs to go down, and regularly, or else you are sending him into the arms of another woman, explains Mr. Harvey.

And here is the biggest excitement of it all! Females should expect that you will not get the ol’ “wine and dine” regularly either. Expect no thrills sex, because that’s what “your man” wants to give you. SO EXCITING (insert more sarcasm here)!

The most disturbing part of the book is his discussion on self worth. The book says we as women, need to know “what our price” is. If we let men know our “price” upfront, men will let us know if it’s too high a “price” to pay. After reading that very statement, I threw this book into a bonfire. Well, in my mind I did. Mr. Harvey, you have thousands of women around the country hooked on the ideas in your book, and I can almost guarantee that not one of those women is one step closer to a relationship because of your outdated ideology. I’m also going to need you to stop referring to my vagina as the cookie. If at 55 years old you aren’t comfortable referring to the female anatomy correctly, that’s a personal issue! It’s a vagina! Say it with me, VAGINA… yes, that’s it.

I have come across five female reading groups in the last month that are currently discussing this book, and I can only hope that there will be that one woman that won’t be afraid to challenge Mr. Harvey’s ideas in a room full of women desperate to find out how to accomplish male thinking to score a relationship.

Ladies, have confidence in your own personal abilities!!! We are strong beautiful, independent, and brilliant… if a woman so desires to establish a relationship, woman, you are more than capable of doing so, and with your own mind!

Kellee Montgomery-Snow is a native of Boston, Massachusetts. Loud and proud Feminist, lover of nature and mom of the greatest kids in the universe.

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Comments (6)
No. 1-6
Scott Wheeler
Scott Wheeler

Woah what?! A bestseller?! How many woman have been hurt by this book?

Scott Wheeler
Scott Wheeler
  • A man who writes about a kind of relationship they want might attract a woman who wants the same... ....context shift... A relationship where the woman has a sexual duty to the man is, in my opinion, sexual abuse. I like to say Abusers because it puts the focus and responsibility where it belongs.

Hey I could write a book. But I won’t. I’d rather talk

Scott Wheeler
Scott Wheeler

Okokok. Here goes. And you can tell him I said so with my most insincere regards..

These values, especially the ones surrounding sexuality, anger and sadden me because (off the top of my brain):

  • Some men will use this as justification to abuse their wife.

  • It advocates a toxic sexual relationship.

  • Women are being forced into sex. (co-1sts)

  • Women are being told their role.

  • ...(

  • No meaningful contribution to the body of human knowledge; rather, it dilutes.

Here’s a thing I think..

So, there are some men who will use this to their advantage. You don’t want those men. They’re a huge problem.

There are others who don’t know what to do with women. How do they act? How do their lives fit together? How do they have sex? They don’t know and figure it out as they go.. ..maybe they turn to literature. The lit is shit. Now, in fairness, it’s not all as bad as the values in this book.

Scott Wheeler
Scott Wheeler

Cw: I’m trying Really hard to be Respectful of the policy to no hate speech or name calling. I am Really angry at this man.


Act like a lady = have bad sex even when you don't feel like sex, and don't complain. FU Mr. Harvey


I'm uneasy with the fact this is a NYT best-seller. Who bought this?